As a mom of girls, I’ve spent a fair amount of time thinking and praying about their future spouses. Of course I pray they will each find a Godly man who cherishes them, a man who will courageously lead his families through the trials and tribulations we all endure at some point.

But I also pray they will find life partners who patiently listen and give wise counsel, especially during times when an emotional outburst might occur… Just in case you’ve never had one of those (emotional outbursts), I’ll give you an example.

About a month ago, I was in the middle of a major problem with a client project. It was huge. It was big. It was painful. The problem was made monumentally worse when I discovered my secret stash of chocolate had disappeared.

Tsk. Tsk. Before you tell me about all the starving kids in the world, and that I shouldn’t get so worked up over a few candies… let me explain a few things.

During the week in question, I had missed an important email and ended up losing three days of work time. By Thursday of that week, I realized I needed to somehow fit eight hours of work into a mere three hours of time. I was really stressing. I wanted chocolate. No, I NEEDED chocolate. I tore apart my refrigerator looking for a bag of peanut butter cups leftover from our summer trip to Hershey Park. I KNEW there were at least three left, but I couldn’t find them.

I instantly decided someone (one of the seven other people in the house – my husband, our two girls, and four houseguests) had eaten my chocolates. Definitely. They were STOLEN!

So now I wasn’t just worked up about the work I wasn’t going to get finished on time, I was plotting a path of destruction through my house to find the culprit and hold them accountable. I called my husband at work and told him we needed to hold a house meeting that evening, complete with judge (me) and jury (me). That conversation went something like this:

ME: My chocolates are gone!

HIM: They are probably just misplaced.

ME: No! Someone snuck in here when I wasn’t looking and ATE them!

HIM: So what? There are starving kids in the world you know…

ME: Someone needs to PAY for this crime!

HIM: I could really go for some wings right now… how about I pick some up for dinner?

Yada yada yada. And so it continued. He eventually convinced me to wait it out… that they would eventually show up, and even if they didn’t, that it was not worth accusing anyone in the house over. Of course I felt otherwise, but I agreed to trust him.

I am ashamed to admit I stewed over those dumb peanut butter cups for at least a week. Eventually, I did forget about that (after I had replenished my stash). And then it happened… I *found* those three peanut butter cups. In the refrigerator. Behind some other stuff. Still in their wrappers. Not stolen. Just in time to ward off another emotional outburst.

I write all of this as a round-about tribute to my husband – the man who kept me from making a fool of myself by accusing my kids and my friends of something they clearly did not do. So today, his birthday, there are a lot of reasons I am thankful God gave him to me, just one of which is his ability to provide wise counsel just when I need it. Happy Birthday Wyeth!

Today I sent my first-born off to middle school and my baby girl off to third grade. For my oldest, I have just six more days like today – the first day of school – before she graduates. As I watched her question the size of her school bag and the details of her schedule, I felt the pages of the calendar slipping by. For the briefest of moments, I imagined her as she looked on the first day of Kindergarten, juxtaposed with the young woman she is growing into. The change is startling.

When your child starts pre-school, it feels like the whole world and all of time is before you. Older, wiser parents warn how quickly time flies, but as “baby parents” we have absolutely no idea just how true that old adage really is. Just like our kids, the whole “time flies” concept gets heavier and more complicated as the years pass.

As toddlers and elementary students, we lead our kids through thick and thin. In middle school, it feels a bit like we’re playing ring-around-the-rosy with them, going around in circles with each other. Although I’m not there yet, I imagine the rolls switch a bit in high school, as our kids start to take the pole position and we race to follow behind.

So on this day of firsts, I am praying for my children. I came across a special prayer written a few years ago by a father in Florida. (I did not write this prayer, but I have altered it slightly to fit my girls.) I think it perfectly fits the cries of my heart:

Almighty God,
Watch over my children.

In an age of violence, teach them peace.
Fill their souls with harmony rather than discord.
Protect them from injury, harm and sudden death at the hands of others.

Watch over my children, dear Lord.
In an age of materialism, selfishness, and greed,
Let them see beyond the things of this world so that they may see a glimpse of things spiritual.
Let them value others above themselves.
Let them seek wisdom above wealth.

Watch over my children, dear Lord.
In an age of lust, let them know love.
In an age of gratification, let them know restraint.
Keep them sexually chaste and self controlled.

Watch over my children, dear Lord.
As they grow, guide them.
As they stumble, hold them.
In their times of anger, love them.
In their times of fear, touch them.
In their times of foolishness, teach them.
When they stray from your path, retrieve your lost sheep.

Watch over my children, dear Lord.
Do not grant all the desires of their hearts,
But grant all the needs of their souls.
Let them know sacrifice and discipline
So that they may know strength and faith.
As gold is placed in fire to be refined,
Give my children pain and suffering
So that they may lose those things in their hearts and minds that are harmful to their souls.

Watch over my children, dear Lord.
Give them love for the beauty of the world you have made.
Give them love for the family and friends.
Give them love for the strangers in their midst.
And above all, give them love for you,
That they may know you,
Serve you,
And glorify you.

Watch over my children, dear Lord.
Forgive us as parents when we have failed in the nurture of these children,
And quiet our worries and fears.
May we, trusting in your love for our children,
find rest and peace in the knowledge that you are with them.

Amen.

Any parent knows that getting children to take medicine can often be quite difficult. A simple trip to the pharmacy is sometimes enough to evoke fear in a parent, particularly for those of us with strong-willed kids.

Over the past 11 years, we have tried a variety of methods, from applesauce to peanut butter, and trickery to bribery, to make “the medicine go down.” Interestingly enough, a simple change in perspective may have been all we needed. Let me explain.

Over the weekend, my 8-year-old was prescribed an antibiotic by her pediatrician, to treat an infection. My heart sunk as I read the dosage on the bottle: four teaspoons, twice a day. Yikes – that’s a lot! Normally I would have asked for a pill, but it was late (I was at a 24-hour pharmacy) and I forgot. So, we had to make due with what we had at least until I could get back to the pharmacy to swap it out (if need be).

I found a small medicine cup that held four teaspoons perfectly and carried it up to her bedroom. Thus, the thrashing about began. After spilling most of the first cup, we tried again and finally got it down (followed by a hefty chaser of water). Whew. One dose down, only nine more to go.

The next day was more of the same… crying, yelling (not just the child), spilling, and so on. It’s never fun to fight a sick child to take her medicine.

This morning, I couldn’t find the medicine cup. After searching through all the kitchen drawers, I finally found a different medicine cup – one a bit bigger.

I decided to simply sit the cup (filled with medicine) on the counter next to her breakfast, and not say anything about it (you know, the classic “ignorance is bliss” approach). Shortly after, my sick child came in to eat her pancakes and shocked me by saying, “Awesome! I only have to take half the dose now?!” She then held her nose and swallowed the whole four teaspoons (and the whole cup of juice sitting next to it) in the same amount of time it took me to blink twice.

Wait a minute. What just happened? Why was it that easy? Oh yes – all it took was a simple change in perspective. The bigger cup made it look like she only had to drink a smaller amount of the nasty white liquid. I told her it was the same amount and she shrugged, then dug into her pancakes.

Hmmm… wonder what else a change in perspective could fix?

It’s been just over a year since we took a group of families to Nicaragua to lead a summer camp for disadvantaged youth living in the Managua city dump. It was our first attempt at family missions, and was hugely successful. As I wrote after we returned:

“We were tested, stretched, molded, and generally made uncomfortable by various elements of the trip. But that was different for everyone. Some were most affected by the bugs and heat. For others it was the food and unsafe water. Or, just witnessing the poverty. And for some… it was the fear of the unknown. But everyone was taken outside his/her comfort zone and asked to rely on God’s provision. It’s impossible not to grow from that. And when you serve as a family, you also grow closer with each other.”

I’m so excited to now be planning our second family mission trip to Nicaragua. Our goal is to take 4-5 families to meet with and serve 4-6 Nicaraguan families at Campo Alegria. Whereas the previous trip saw us hanging out with kids for three days, this time around we will spend three days with whole families. We will invite them to “vacation” with us at the camp. While they are there, we will feed them, clothe them, listen to them, fellowship with them, entertain them, serve them, and love them. Somewhere along the way, we hope to share about our faith.

When will this happen? As this will be our third trip to Nicaragua, we wanted to stretch ourselves a bit more. Being at Campo Alegria is like a little oasis in the desert. It has running water, electricity, doors, windows, beds, tables, couches, internet access, and even a washer and dryer. And, it’s situated on a beautiful lake with wonderful swimming. (Yes, there are drawbacks – namely the bugs and heat – but overall it’s a far cry from what most missionaries encounter in developing countries.) In any case, we decided to select a certain time of year for the trip that would take us a bit more out of our comfort zones.

So… we are planning to be in Nicaragua over Christmas. In fact, we will hold our “vacation” for the Nicaraguan families December 24 – 26, 2010. While millions of kids will be tearing open present after present on Christmas Day back in the U.S., we will be serving breakfast to disadvantaged families in a developing country. How better to teach our kids about service?

My oldest daughter asked if we’d have a Christmas tree. Maybe we could decorate a palm tree? Who knows. We’ll get creative.

Plenty of people have expressed shock at us leaving our families over Christmas. But we see our families all the time – why do we have to share a meal together on Christmas? The holiday is Jesus’ birthday, after all, and He certainly taught us a lot about sacrifice. Here He was, all comfy and cozy up in Heaven as God, but He stepped outside of His comfort zone to come down to our “developing country” and hang out with us regular folk… Then, He went and died for us all.

We know this trip isn’t for everyone, but we are praying there might be a few families who would like to join us. We can’t promise you’ll have lots of “presents” under the palm tree, but we can promise your family will feel Christ’s “presence” as you serve others together. You might even grow and strengthen in ways that wouldn’t otherwise be possible if you were home following your normal Christmas routine.

We plan to hold an informal informational meeting at our home in late August. If you’re at all interested in joining us, please let us know. And even if you can’t join us, would you pray for our trip? Gracias!

The other day, I was driving home from softball with my two daughters and their friends. The radio station we normally listen to was all talk, so we decided to sing some old camp songs to pass the time. The nine-year-old suggested we sing “Rise and Shine.” Figuring this long song would get us almost all the way home, we started right in…

The Lord said to Noah:
There’s gonna be a floody, floody
The Lord said to Noah:
There’s gonna be a floody, floody
Get those children out of the muddy, muddy
Children of the Lord

Rise and shine
And give God the glory, glory
Rise and shine
And give God the glory, glory
Rise and shine
And give God the glory, glory
Children of the Lord

Eventually, we made it to the next to last verse and sang it the way we learned at summer camp (which I’ve since learned it not the way most folks sing it, and for good reason!):

The animals they came off
They came off by three-sies three-sies
Animals they came off
They came off by three-sies three-sies
Must have been those birds and bees-ies, bees-ies
Children of the Lord

At this point, one of the girls stopped and asked, “Why do we say it must have been the birds and bees-ies? What do they have to do with the story?”

I responded – clearly not realizing the weight of the question – with a very casual, “oh, you know, sex.”

If this were a movie with a soundtrack, you would have heard that record-scratching sound at the end of my sentence, as all four girls collectively gasped and screeched, “WHAT?”

My 11-year-old shrieked, “All this time we’ve been singing about THAT… and we didn’t know it?”

Umm… yeah.

“How could you let us sing about THAT like that?”

“EWWW. That’s GROSS!”

And from my friend’s 9-year-old, “Exactly what is sex?”

[Imagine me trying to climb under the seat while still driving the car.]

I quickly started singing the last verse of the song, “Now, this is the end of, the end of our story, story,” when my friend’s 12-year-old said, “Oh, I get it, the bee is the boy because he has the stinger…”

Insert more record-scratching sounds here, followed by tons of little girl giggling, and me wondering how we went from a story about Noah and his ark to sex and stingers within a 10-minute time span… such is the life of a mom of girls I guess.

P.S. In case you’re wondering (as I was) where we got the whole “birds and bees” thing anyway, Wikipedia suggests several possibilities, including several lines from Shakespeare’s King Lear, as well as a 1928 song by Cole Porter. Regardless of where the phrase originated, I’m sure I will never think of it in quite the same way as before.

Recently I found a stock photo site that has just blown me away by the sheer volume of high-quality, free photos available for download. CG Textures is a huge online repository of all sorts of textures and backgrounds. Need to make your background look like wood planks? No problem – there are hundreds available. Want to create a leather pattern? Seriously – there are a ton of those available too.

This site offers all the images royalty free and free of charge to people like game developers and graphic designers for personal or business use, provided you aren’t reselling the images. So if you are a designer seeking photographic background images and textures, don’t miss this site: www.cgtextures.com.

Here is the official description: CGTextures is quickly becoming the number-one choice for CG-artists throughout the industry. It has 50143 textures available for download free of charge, and is growing by the day. Top-quality textures and easy site navigation allow you to zero in on the right texture for the right job. Our textures have been used in such high-profile games as Assasins Creed, Quake Wars: Enemy Territory, Grand Theft Auto 4, and Killzone 2.

Last week we enrolled in the library’s summer reading program, and both girls have already fulfilled their quota (hooray for raising readers!). I figured it was time for another “what I’m reading” post, if only so I can record all the books that have made me laugh, cry, wonder, and move over the past few months.

First up is my most recent read, “The Housekeeper and the Professor,” which was suggested by a friend for our book club’s July pick. This delightful story was written by acclaimed Japanese novelist Yoko Ogawa. As you might expect based on the title, the main characters are a brilliant math professor, his young housekeeper, and her 10-year-old son. Even though we never learn the names of Ogawa’s characters, her development of them is so profound that we can’t help but love them. The professor, in particular, has an unexpected problem: a tragic accident caused him to lose his short-term memory. In fact, he can’t remember anything more than 80 minutes ago. His long-term memory, however, is in tact prior to the accident. The housekeeper must reintroduce herself to the man each morning when she arrives, and yet he has no trouble explaining complex math problems to anyone who will listen. Can you imagine living this way? This book certainly made me think about what it means to “live in the present…” (And I learned a thing or two about math as well.)

Our June selection for book club was the first book in Suzanne Collins’ explosive young adult series, The Hunger Games. As a fan of Survivor, I was drawn to the concept of a high-stakes reality TV show (drawn to read about it, not to participate). This story takes place some time in the future, when the United States has fallen victim to war, disease, and natural disasters. What is left is a county called Panem, with a government that feels a need to keep its people in check. Here’s how they do that: by forcing two teenagers from each district in the country to participate in annual “Hunger Games,” which are essentially battles to the death (in front of a live television audience). Nice, huh? This is another situation where character development rules. Collins allows you to feel what it’s like to be one of those teenagers sent to the Hunger Games. You don’t want to kill the other participants, but you don’t want to die either! All the while, you are aware that your every emotion is being aired on national television… The second book in this series (Catching Fire) is even better than the first, and the third (Mockingjay) is due out this summer.

Another book I read recently is something I picked up at the library’s book sale: Imposter. I selected this book because it was written about my hometown, Baltimore. I always find it interesting to read books that take place in familiar locations, and this was no exception. The story is a fast-paced crime novel about a federal agent whose mother is brutally murdered during his father’s bid for Senate. Although the main character is male, I enjoyed the supporting female characters who were strong leaders and worthy mentors for a young man who is devastated by his mother’s death and his father’s seeming indifference. I also enjoyed the author’s descriptions of Baltimore and its inhabitants, as well as the local history included throughout the book. At one point, the characters even go to a Ravens game. My only complaint was that Bunn changed the team’s colors. Did he have to do that for legal reasons? If so, then why could he even call them the Ravens? OK, this really isn’t important to the story but as a Baltimore girl it annoyed me Otherwise, I loved this book.

So what’s next? For August, our book club is returning to historical fiction: Jarrettsville: A Novel, so that’s what I’m starting today. I can’t wait to read another book with local flair. (Jarrettsville is just a few miles up the road from me.)

Yes, I was one of those crazy fools who waited in line for the iPhone two years ago. I waited in line and was disappointed because they sold out before I could get one. I ended up driving to two other AT&T stores before coming home empty handed. I did finally receive one about 10 days later, and have been a happy iPhone carrier ever since.

If you have seen me at any point in the past two years, the iPhone has been there. And I’m sure I pulled it out and used it to get directions, find out when a business closes, check the weather radar, access current traffic details, read scripture, retrieve a Spanish translation, get a recipe, compare prices, find the closest gas station/restaurant/store/alternate route, figure out what song we just heard, play scrabble, get/send email, check facebook, take a picture, check my calendar, or just to find the answer to some pointless piece of trivia. And those are mostly just the items on my home screen…

The iPhone has become part of our culture. Recently, my daughter’s elementary school sent home a newsletter that included the phrase “there’s an app for that.” Yup, it’s everywhere.

So, earlier this month, when Apple announced the next iPhone would be available for pre-order on June 15th, I got in line (electronically this time). And yes, it took a bunch of refreshing, but I finally received that confirmation message. And this morning, at 5:45am, I received a message that my iPhone was on the UPS truck and would be delivered today. Ummm… who cares that I have to have surgery at some point today? Thank you Steve Jobs for keeping me distracted from that with my new toy

[Here are some early reviews for the iPhone 4 in case you don't know what all the hype is about.]

I can clearly remember my mom telling me, “I can’t wait until you have your own daughter who drives you crazy someday…” Well, I suppose she can rejoice because that day has officially arrived.

I miss the days when she would crawl up into my lap and ask me to read her a story, or when she helped me in the kitchen and didn’t care about whether she chipped her nail polish. I remember the times when she thought I could solve all her problems, and dry all her tears. Now she’s almost as tall as I am, and no longer fits in my lap. She tells me I don’t know anything and can’t understand her feelings. She’s not my little girl anymore…

A friend suggested I text her, because she might understand that method of communication better. Ahhh… spoken like a mom of a tween

We definitely seem to communicate better when we take the time to write to each other. In fact, we have an ongoing notebook in which we write to each other. The first entry dates back several years. Sometimes we go for months without needing the notebook, but lately the opposite is true.

My younger daughter has a made-up language she uses with a friend, so the parents can’t figure out what is being said. Yesterday, it seemed like my older daughter and I were each speaking a different language because neither of us could make the other understand.

I was particularly frustrated when I realized it was time to pile the four girls into the van and make the drop-offs at various softball fields. But as I turned on the car, I was instantly calmed by a particular song playing on the radio: Chris Tomlin’s version of God of this City. And as I started to sing along, I found myself switching up the words a bit, like this:

You’re the God of this family
You’re the King of these children
You’re the Lord of this household
You are

There is no one like our God
There is no one like our God

For greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this family
Greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this family

Friends with older kids keep reminding me this this too shall pass, and eventually my daughter will lose the extreme moodiness (and maybe even the ability to shoot daggers out of her eyes at the drop of a hat) in favor of a more civilized mother-daughter relationship. Maybe it will take her having daughters of her own (she tells me she will never punish her own children because that is just plain MEAN ). I hope it happens sooner, but in the meantime I’ll just try to keep singing, “Greater things have yet to come, and greater things are still to be done in this family…”

P.S. If you haven’t heard the story behind this great song, check out the video below:
The story behind God of this City

Bluetree | MySpace Music Videos

Getting the Call
We never quite know when we’ll get a call about a child in need of assistance. Most of the time it happens during daylight hours, but we have been called at night about a child who needed to be picked up from the emergency room. When a case worker calls, she tells us what she knows about the child, which isn’t usually much. Once we were called about a supposed 16-year-old girl, who turned out to be a 13-year-old boy. We are then asked whether we can accept the child into our home. If we say yes, the child is either brought to our home or we go to the Department of Social Services in Bel Air to pick her up, usually within an hour or so of the initial call. At that point, you don’t know how long the child will stay. It could be one day, 30-days, or many months.

Shelter Hearing
Every child’s case goes to court within a day or so of the child being pulled into foster care. This is called the shelter hearing, and it gives DSS a chance to specify to the judge why the child is in need of assistance. The parent(s) also gets to plead his/her case. It all takes place in Family Court in Bel Air, with Judge Hart presiding. DSS has a lawyer (who happens to be a guy I went to school with), the child has a court-appointed lawyer, and the parent(s) also have lawyers (who may or may not be court appointed). There are usually a lot of people in Family Court when cases are being heard. It’s a busy place, full of gut-wrenching and sometimes heart-warming stories.

[Sidebar: When I was in court earlier this month, I witnessed a 21-year-old man's emancipation from foster care. By all accounts he has really made a life for himself, even though he spent most of his life in foster care and never found his "forever family". I couldn't help but feel my heart swell as I watched this man take responsibility for his life and thank DSS for everything they had done to get him where he is today.]

The result of the shelter hearing is typically one of the following:

• The child goes home immediately
• The child goes to stay with relatives for a certain amount of time
• The child continues in foster care for 30 more days

First 30 Days
If the child stays in foster care, the judge usually sets another court date for 30 days later. So if we go to court with a child who has just been placed into our home and they stay, at that point we only know for sure they will be with us for about 30 days. Sometimes that can be tough because the child might have to be transported to school if the foster home is outside of the school district. It can also be difficult for children because there is so much uncertainty during the first 30 days. No one really knows what is going to happen.

The parents might be subjected to psychological testing during this time. Perhaps drug testing is ordered. Background checks are performed and financial records are checked. The home will likely be inspected. Family and friends will be asked to comment. All this is done to identify what needs to happen to ensure the home is safe and secure for the children to return.

Back to Court
At the end of the 30-day period, we all go back to court. DSS presents its case and makes its recommendation as to where the children should live (for the next few months). An action plan is identified, with the primary goal of reunification when at all possible. Sometimes the plan includes mom or dad participating in parenting classes, and/or a substance abuse treatment program. Maybe the parents just need help getting state services or job assistance. Whatever they need, the case workers at DSS work with the family to accomplish those goals as quickly as possible.

When kids are continued in foster care at the 30-day mark, it is typically for several more months. In our experience, it’s commonly a 3- or 6-month period of time. For the foster parents, it is great to know a little more about how long the children will be with us. But for the kids, it can feel like a death sentence. A lot of the kids seem to live by those dates, even if they are three or six months out. They memorize the dates and circle them on the calendar. The might even start saying good-bye to their new friends as the next court date approaches, thinking (hoping) they will be going home that day.

Our Job
Legally, the state has custody of the children while they are in care, with the foster parents listed as temporary caretakers/guardians. It is up to the foster parent(s) to provide love, support, lodging, clothing, food, and so on. Most kids come to your house with little more than the clothes on their back, so the first few days can be a bit of a scramble to locate the proper size clothes, shoes, school supplies, etc.

The kids are placed on the state medical insurance and foster parents receive a financial stipend to offset the monetary expenses. Foster parents must take newly placed foster kids to see a doctor within the first few days of receiving them into care. After that, most kids also need to visit the dentist regularly and perhaps an eye doctor.

Being a foster parent is not a financial burden (because of the stipend) but is certainly an investment of time and energy. Between weekly visits with their parent(s), medical check-ups, school meetings, and counseling appointments, you can feel as if you’re constantly on the run. It’s definitely worth it though, to see how the kids respond to their most basic needs being met with consistency. I knew of a little girl in foster care who asked her foster mom every night for weeks whether there would be food for breakfast in the morning, simply because she had often gone hungry in the past.

18 Months (and Counting)
In Maryland, the goal is to have some sense of permanency (either being back at home, with relatives who will keep them, or adopted by another family) for the child by the 18-month mark. In years past, too many kids simply “aged-out” of foster care, never achieving a sense of permanency with any family. There are goals at the federal and state level to change that. Unfortunately, it’s a slow process and too many kids still live for years in various foster homes without a “forever family.”

We’ve only been licensed for foster care for 18 months, but even in that short time we have seen kids who have been “in the system” for years. The statistics are tough. It is especially gut-wrenching to meet older kids who have no hope of going home, and little chance of being adopted. Instead, they will spend the later part of their childhood in foster care or group homes learning how to live independently. Foster parents around the county hope to help as many kids as possible while they are unable to live with their parents. If we all could make that our goal, think of how many kids we could benefit!

You don’t have to be a foster parent to help a child, check out my previous post about ways you can help even if you only have a limited amount of time to serve.