Yes or No?

At the end of last summer, I shared a dream for our family and some special friends: to spend the 2012 – 2013 school year living in Nicaragua. Even though it was a long way off, and we didn’t know for sure whether it would pan out, I felt compelled to share that dream publicly for a few reasons. First, to seek prayer support. And second, to hold us accountable. It’s a big deal to even consider moving one family to a third-world country, let alone two. But we committed to making preparations and “walking the path” to see what God had in store for us.

So the two families started meeting twice a month to share a meal and pray about our trip. We decided to wait until April to make any official moving plans, but committed to meeting every other week until then, regardless of whether God said yes or no. In September, spirits were high and those dinners were bright spots in our otherwise busy start-of-the-school-year schedules. If you asked us about our move, we would have told you we felt like the chances were pretty good we’d be living in Nicaragua this time next year.

In order to walk that path, we made a list of all the stuff we wanted to do before moving. We started fixing up those pesky little things around the house that you typically put off until you try to sell or rent your house. Being severely limited in what we can easily take with us to Nicaragua, we also needed to do a major pare down of our belongings. We began cleaning out closets and book shelves, determined to only keep the stuff we were willing to take with us or put in storage for a year. We sold books on Amazon [I had no idea my art books from college were actually worth something!], donated clothes, and gave away toys. And we stopped buying unnecessary new stuff.

One of the practical applications has been this: not buying a new tea kettle when ours bit the dust last fall. We don’t really need a tea kettle, right? I can boil water in a pot on the stove without buying another item that I will eventually have to put in storage (although the whistle helped prevent the forgotten pot of boiling water that has occurred at least twice since then). [Ironically, that tea kettle has actually become a symbol of this entire process for me. Whenever I feel hopeless about our trip, I am tempted to buy a new tea kettle...]

All around us, doors appeared to be flying open to pave the way to Nicaragua. There were the big things like job prospects that seemed highly probable, current employers that were amiable to having us work remotely, and significant financial benefits (Managua is the second least-expensive city to live in the world). Also, each family was approached by individuals interested in renting our homes while we were away (in both cases, the would-be-renters sought us out after hearing of our plans). And then there were also the bonus items, like cell phone contracts that would run out and kids’ braces that will be off just in time. It all just seemed to be falling into place, almost too easily… [That should have been clue #1 that trouble was on the horizon.]

By the end of October, each of our families had received potentially-game-changing news. For one of us, a medical crisis quickly challenged our plans to move to a third-world country. For the other, the dream job in Managua didn’t quite pan out. In each case, the one thing that could keep us in the U.S. is the exact roadblock that was raised.

We were tempted to throw in the towel, to quit meeting and praying. [I wanted to go buy a new tea kettle.]

Fast-forward to February, with April looming closer than ever. At this point, if you ask us if we are moving in August, we will tell you the chances are probably slim, although it is still our desire to do so. Right now, it seems like God is saying no, or at least not now.

Which means we are again tempted to just quit. It takes a lot of effort to continue walking this path when it seems impossible. The next item on my “get ready for Nica to-do list” is to repaint all of the doors on the second floor. Ugg. I really don’t want to do that now. After that we are supposed to clean the storage area in the basement. I really really don’t want to do that.

And now eight of our 10 dinner plates are chipped or broken and our vacuum cleaner is on the fritz… I should just buy new because we probably aren’t going, right? [Why can't it be easier, God?]

Last night my wonderfully insightful husband reminded us of our purpose and our plan. He said this: There are plenty of instances in scripture where God asks someone to walk a certain path and follow it through before He acts (and sometimes even if He doesn’t act). Abraham had to prepare the burnt offering and raise the knife in his hand, over his son, before God stopped him (Genesis 22). Lazarus was dead — for two days — before Jesus finally showed up to heal him (John 11).

But why? 

“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” (Hebrews 11:1)

God seems to prefer stepping in at what we consider to be the very last second, when there is no other way for us to explain it than to look up.

And sometimes, I think we learn more in the actually walking that path ourselves then we do in Him jumping in to save the day. I know it’s that way with my own kids. Sure, I could do their homework for them, but they wouldn’t learn as much, right? I never missed a day of school when I was paying for it… in college. [I figured out how much it cost me to be there per hour, and I wasn't willing to waste that sitting at home watching soap operas!]

If it were as easy now as it was in September, I am certain we wouldn’t grow as much. It’s just that growing is painful, especially when the outcome is uncertain. So we continue to meet and pray and prepare. Maybe we’ll be in Nicaragua this time next year, maybe not. But wherever we’ll be, I’m positive we’ll be better off for having walking this path together.