I’m not really a big crier, so it wasn’t surprising that I made it through pretty much the whole leaving process without tears. Every time I started to cry, I thought about the great adventure in front of us and successfully fought back.
This isn’t good-bye, I kept telling myself. It’s merely until we meet again.
And then we arrived at our destination, and within 12 short hours I had cried buckets already.
Today marks the end of our first week in Nicaragua, and I’ve cried every one of those seven days.
I got tired of using toilet paper to wipe my eyes and finally bought Kleenex (a real luxury here).
I’ve cried because our Internet connection is not what we hoped it would be (although we are still working on getting a better connection, like that of the others in our neighborhood). I’ve cried because the current connection makes contacting friends and family back home difficult… which makes us miss them more. I’ve cried because I was tired… or my kids were hurting… or because I was just plain frustrated with any of the things that make it hard to live here. (Did you know much of the world puts toilet paper in the trash instead of the toilet? We found that out the hard way, after all our toilets were clogged…)
And therein lies the root of the problem: this life is hard. It was much easier back home.
There is a big part of me — the prideful part — that doesn’t want to let you know I’ve cried… that doesn’t want to show you my tears. We talked about how excited we were to get here, even while many of you responded with shock, saying, “Why would you want to do that? It’ll be so hard!”
So, I can’t help but wonder if this confession will elicit lots of “I told you so’s” and “what were you thinkings?!”
The thing is this: we knew it would be hard, but came anyway. We knew it would be extremely challenging to live in a developing country for a year, but we are also convinced this is where God wants us at this moment. And when God wants you somewhere, He usually has a pretty good reason.
I am not crying because I want to get on the next plane and run home, even if that were a possibility. I’m crying because life here is just hard, and I’m not used to it. I’m a pansy American. Yup. I’m pretty much a wuss. (I brought a Kitchen Aid mixer with me, people.) I like my dishwasher, my hot water, my swimming pool, my air-conditioning, and whatever else makes my life back home easy.
But as they say, so many of the inconveniences we cry about in the US are just first-world problems. The rest of the world lives without such amenities every day and survives.
No, we just keep telling ourselves: we can do anything for a year 
.
When we tell other foreigners we’ve only just arrived, they all cringe as they remember their first few weeks in Nicaragua. They tell us this first year is by far the toughest, and that after living through the next 12 months, we’ll be so settled we won’t want to leave. Maybe that’s true. Maybe God will call us to stay. Or maybe He just wants to teach us about surviving thriving when life is hard. We’ll find out.
In the meantime, we say, “51 more weeks ” and focus on the wonderful things we’ve encountered thus far… like the perennial summer (no ice to chip off our car windows this year!), the absolutely amazing neighbors who have spent whole days helping us get settled, the beautiful beaches, the extremely hard-working household helper who cleans up our messes and doesn’t stop smiling, getting a massage for $15/hr (seriously!), the new clothes dryer we bought (so our clothes don’t keep getting rained on while hanging to dry), finding cold-water Tide at the store, super-cheap fruits and veggies that taste so good, cable TV with coverage of the Olympics (in English even!), and… Oreos that are cheaper than back home (because they are packaged here!).
Thanks for sharing!
Looking forward to hearing more about your new adventures! I already love the two photos you posted. You will have hardships so you can appreciate those neat new blessings. Sending prayers and love your way. May God comfort you and your family in your new surroundings.
Wendy and the rest of the Willards,
We are praying for you guys and are SO excited to hear all the amazing things God has in store for your year there!! You guys are awesome people and will most definitely thrive in and through this!! Look forward to reading more soon! xoxo
Oh. I should have told u about the toilet paper. After spending a week in Guatemala I still sometimes put toilet paper in the waste basket. I know those r the small things that make life hard…. But u will receive so much more in the end!!! The relationships that u r building will be life lasting. Keep in thriving. When God is on your side who can can against. Love to u. From lee family.
At Campo, the plumbing was installed to be able to handle toilet paper, so we didn’t have to think about it there. Someone must have told us years ago, but we clearly forgot! Oh well – after buying some trash cans with lids, we’re all set
As I read this blog, I cried for you, my child, because no mother wants her children to struggle, to hurt, to suffer. But then God reminds me that He is in control and is watching over you. I cry because I miss you. But then God reminds me that I have the luxury of facetiming you (even though the connection hasn’t been great so far) where others sometimes never see their children again. Then I cry because I am so blessed being born in the US where our sufferings are minor compared to others in the world. I am praying for you all that you will weather the difficulties, meet the challenges, and flourish in the wonderful, new experiences that will be opened up to you. I love you Wendy, Wyeth, Corinna, and Caeli! God is holding you in His arms.
These experiences will last a lifetime. God has provided you with everything you need and everything you will need. Your faith is not that of a mustard seed, and so it will blossom eternally. This is hard but for those living without Christ in their heart it is even harder so go and make other lives easier faithful servant. Blessed are you!!
I so love reading each and everyone of your post!
Thanks for your encouragement!! I think I needed the first week to just be “ugghh” (if that makes any sense). But already I’m feeling so much better. So appreciate all the love from back home!!
Hi Willards:
I am reading your blog and praying for you because I also connect to North Woolwich (NWMC) in Maine and heard about your big faithful move. I’ve been a missionary in Belize for 7 years.
You seem to already be looking back on your first few days and thinking “Why was that such a mountain for us?” Your faith and our Great God will get you over the mountains to come. Praise through every hardship. Thank you Lord…what are you teaching me now?
When I asked a missionary friend here in Belize if he would rather be here or in the US he said, “Here…it’s harder. The US is too cushy” (smile). I’d rather be where God wants me. Knowing you are in “the right place” makes enduring the struggles easier. I continue to pray for your adjustments to a new culture. I am praying for the children to quickly make friends and usher you into relationships through their contacts as well as yours. I am praying that you find a “new normal” that feels good and comfortable. I am also praying that in this transition phase you feel close to God and he shows you faithfully that he is with you…little things, big things, but you are SURE God is with you and you are in the right place doing what God wants for your family. Peace on the Way,
Thanks for answering the call
Nancy
PS Will the kids get to blog? Their perspective would be interesting.
Hi Nancy – Yes, the kids are blogging too! You can read their blog at http://365nica.wendywillard.com.
I agree that I’d rather be where God wants me to be… that’s why we’re here! Each day brings new adventures
Another missionary said this is like going to college for a year, because you learn SO much about yourself (and plenty of other stuff!). Learning is hard, but so worth it!