My "Parent-Phrase"

OK. It’s time for a little honesty. Every parent has one of these. For some it starts with, “In my day…” or “When I was your age…” I recently read a novel in which the main character’s mom was famous for her “life-is” speeches.

Today I realized I had officially coined my own parent-phrase.

It started with my 14-year-old foster daughter telling me about a particularly “carefree” lab partner she has to work with in biology class. This other student’s carefree attitude cost them their grade on the first lab report. So now it’s up to my student to carry the weight for the team. I launched into a “speech” (oh how I hate that word) about how there will be tons of time when she’s forced to deal with difficult people. Then I said those three little words that caused my 10-year-old to grown and roll her pretty little eyes…

“In real life…”

“Yes, in real life, there will be lots of difficult people to deal with, so it’s a good practice for your future,” I began. My own daughter rolled her eyes because she’s heard several of these “in real life” speeches, whether it’s about doing her homework, handling bullies, or making tough decisions. I guess I’ve used the whole “in real life” context enough times that my children (biological and otherwise) all know what’s coming when I start with those three little words.

The problem came when it occurred to me today that I am now known for this. But what if that’s not a good thing? Is there still time to change it? Then I started thinking how my kids will talk about it when they have their own kids. Only instead it will then be “your grandmother used to say…” [Insert scream here.] That’s when it occurred to me that I am actually old enough that my kids can anticipate my speeches. You know what that means, don’t you. I’m not just getting old: I’m turning into my mother! [More screaming goes here.]

Don’t get me wrong. I love my mother. It’s just that it feels weird to be old enough to be exhibiting those “motherly traits.”

I’m talking about those undeniable characteristics of women who have been mothers for at least a decade. Sometimes those are really good characteristics. For example, many in this group of care-takers can make a sack-lunch, correct homework, fold laundry, supervise the before-school ritual, arrange dental visits, and pay bills all at the same time (without a clone). Moms like this organize car pools, deliver meals to the sick, coach their kids’ sports teams, counsel friends, and sometimes maintain other jobs outside the home. They aren’t perfect, but they recognize their mistakes and apologize for them. And along the way, they rely on their faith in Christ to carry them through. These are women I have admired and sought counsel from for years, as my own children were learning to walk. These are my mentors.

But sometimes the things we have been doing for years and years aren’t exactly the type of things we want to be remembered for. I think I’m at one of those moments where I am realizing it’s time to take a good look at my “motherly traits” to figure out what’s working and what’s not. In web design, we might call this usability testing. It can be a painful, yet hugely beneficial, process for all parties.

Even though I’ve been at this for more than a decade, I still feel – in many ways – like a “baby parent,” just floundering around a dark tunnel called parenting. I am blessed to have so many wonderful mentors to help guide me through. I can only pray that by the end of this journey we all come out with only a few screws loose. And maybe someday, I might look back and smile when I hear my daughter say, “my mom used to tell me that in real life…”